a poem: i just don't know

you read me Shakespeare
lulling me to sleep
as you whispered
a tale of forbidden love 
leading to as much happiness
as it did destruction 

you smiled at me 
blushing red 
as you handed me 
little notes
that you wrote on scraps
of the homework from the day before

you laughed 
hair flopping onto your
forehead as 
you poked me playfully on the cheek
trying to make me smile
when you saw that i was upset

you talked
to me on the phone 
all night about nonsensical, unimportant things
both of knowing that it was late
and that we needed go to sleep
but neither of us willing to hang up

you were so sweet
and kind
and funny
and quirky
and brave
and i don't know what made you change

because now you read me Shakespeare
and those tales of 
tragic love that i thought were foolish
that i thought were unrealistic
are now stories
that i find myself living through every day

because now you smile at me
as you belittle me
and berate me
for things that i didn't even
used to think were wrong with me 

because now you laugh
when you shove me and slap me and hit me
when i do something to upset you
playing it off as a joke
even though we both know
that it isn't

because now you spend hours
apologizing to me 
a countless number times
over and over again
for the same things
yet never making an effort to change

i don't know if you'll ever
be who you used
to be again
or if i'll still be waiting for you to change
and the tomorrow after that

i don't know what to do
whether to stay or to go
when i see 
a ghost of the person 
you used to be
on your face

and i don't know what happened
i don't know what went wrong
to make something 
so special
turn into

i just don't know 

Hey everyone! The poem I wrote above is inspired by some books/tv shows and is meant to depict an abusive relationship. I just want to say that if you are in a abusive relationship, you are not to blame. You deserve to be treated with respect and you deserve to be safe and happy. Others say it much better than I do, so if you want to be better informed about this topic, or if you need help, check out this, this, this, and this.



Thoughts/Review: hopeless fountain kingdom by Halsey

Hey everyone! Halsey's new album, hopeless fountain kingdom, came out about a week ago and I wanted to share my thoughts on it, track by track. When I heard Now Or Never a couple of weeks ago I was kind of wary about this album because I wasn't a huge fan of that particular song. But I ended up really loving hopeless fountain kingdom. It definitely gives out different vibes than Halsey's last album, Badlands, did, but I'm completely okay with that. I actually think it's really interesting to see the style of any artist change over time. Anyway, great job and so much gratitude to Halsey for all the time that she spent on this album!

Track 1- The Prologue 

This track is more of an introduction to the album than a song. It starts with the prologue of Romeo and Juliet (which is honestly so cool) and sets up the theme of the album perfectly: At least, from what I understand, Hopeless Fountain Kingdom seems to be a place that is seemingly perfect..But once you look deeper, it's really not.

I am a child of a money hungry, prideful country
Grass is green and it's always sunny 

Track 2- 100 Letters

Honestly, the lyrics of this song are just brilliant. They're just so beautiful and metaphorical. Anyway, to me, this track seems to be about an unhealthy or even abusive relationship and how Halsey left it.

You wrote a 100 letters just for me
And I find them in my closet, in the pockets of my jeans

Track 3- Eyes Closed

With this song, I personally prefer the stripped version to the studio recorded one. Her vocals in this song are just SO AMAZING. The tracks on hopeless fountain kingdom tell a story, and this track is such a great follow up to a 100 Letters.

But you've been replaced

I'm face to face with someone new

Track 4- Heaven in Hiding

Okay, so this is my favorite track on the entire album. The first time I listened through the album (yes, I've lost count of the number of times I've replayed this album), even though this was only the fourth track out of 16, I just knew that this would be my favorite song. If you are going to listen to only one song on this album, listen to this one! The beat and the tune and the lyrics..IT'S ALL TOO GOOD.

And when you start to feel the rush
A crimson headache,  aching blush

Track 5- Alone

So, right when this song starts it gives off really jazzy vibes which is just so interesting and different from Halsey's other songs! And there's just something so raw about this track, how it expresses the feeling of being alone even when you're surrounded by people. Overall, I really liked this track.

But if you ask why I'm distant
Oh I'm running away

Track 6- Now or Never
I feel pretty meh about this track. I'm honestly not a big fan of the tune or the lyrics. It's not a bad song, but I'm just not feeling it with this one.

Trying to talk to wall
But you could never tear it down for me, yeah

Track 7- Sorry

This is also one of my favorites on the album! It such a powerful song and it gives me so many emotions. The lyrics are so relatable and I love the piano that's being played in the background. JUST GO LISTEN TO IT!

Cause sometimes I can treat the people
That I love like jewelry 

Track 8- Good Mourning
This one isn't really a song..it's more of a kind of intermission, I guess. It gives out a really creepy vibe and I love it so much! I also love the references to Romeo and Juliet in it.

They told me once, "Don't trust the moon. She's always changing."
The shores bend and break for her

Track 9- Lie ft. Quavo

This song is definitely really different from Halsey's other music..and I did really like it, until Quavo's   part. I just think that it would have been better if Halsey just went solo for this song. Also, this song is really short for some reason. It's just a little over two minutes long.

Got no one to lie to 
There's no need to lie no more

Track 10- Walls Could Talk

This track reminds me of the 90s and early 2000s. BASICALLY, BRITNEY SPEARS VIBES. Again, it's such a good track, but I wish that it was longer. This one is only 1 minute and 41 seconds long, which is way too short.

Been about three days and I'm coming back
I'm about four minutes from a heart attack

Track 11- Bad at Love
This song gives me chills. I love the lgbtq representation in it! Critics kept saying that Halsey didn't have any queer representation in her songs and THEN THIS SONG HAPPENED. In this song, Halsey sings about loving boys and girls, which I think is so amazing because we really do need more lgbtq representation in music. 

But I never got the chance to make her mine
Because she fell in love with thin white lines

Track 12- Don't Play
This song is basically a diss track to all the haters, and IT'S SO EMPOWERING. I just love this one so much!

I'm moving on, I'm getting paid
I'm on my own, I had some space to deal with it

Track 13- Strangers ft. Lauren Jaurengui
YASSS ANOTHER LGBTQ SONG. I feel like this track is the type of song that could definitely be played on the mainstream radio which is great because everyone needs to hear this one! It tells a story of lesbian and bisexual women in love, a story that is ignored in most mainstream media. I didn't know who Lauren was before listening to this track, but her voice is so beautiful and she sounds superb with Halsey. 

She doesn't look me in the eyes anymore
Too scared of what she'll see, somebody holding ,e

Track 14- Angel on Fire
This track is one of my favorites on the entire album. So many people suffer from anxiety, from depression, from low self-esteem.Yet these peoples' stories are rarely told in songs and albums. But this song does tell those stories, and it tells them in a such a raw, honest, beautiful way.

Now it's my own anxiety
That makes the conversations hard

Track 15- Devil in Me
This song is probably going to be stuck in my head for the next year. Everything about this song is sensational...The lyrics, the tune, and the beat. 

And I went tumbling down trying to reach your high
But I scream too loud if I speak my mind

Track 16- Hopeless ft. Cashmere Cat
This one also gives me chills. It has such a melancholic feeling to it, and it just beautifuly represents the sorrowful fate of lovers. The background vocals really add so much to this song and really help convey it's despondent mood. 

And so I must be better than I think it is
Give me those eyes, it's easy to forgive

If you haven't listened to hopeless fountain kingdom, I hope that you do soon, because it really is such an amazing album. If you have listened to it, what's your favorite song on the album? Tell me in the comments!



Summer Break Goals

Hey, everyone! I don't really have anything in specific that I'm doing this summer, so I decided to set some goals for myself of things that I want to do! I'll check back at the end of summer to see how I did.

Write Something

I definitely want to write SOMETHING this summer. Whether it be a novel, poems, short stories, flash fiction, or fan fiction, I know that I definitely want to take some time to just write.

I wrote a novel February of this year..And it's basically 57,000 words of messiness. I went into it without plotting anything at all and without even the intention to write a novel. I've been toying with an idea for a novel in my mind, and I might try plotting it out and then writing it this summer. I'm not a hundred percent sure I'll do it, but if the idea continues to intrigue me, I'll definitely give it a try.

Watch A Couple of Shows
Again, I'm not completely sure what shows I would like to watch this summer, but I definitely want to take some time to just relax. I'm not that good with following through with the shows that I start. I never used to do this, but for the past couple of months, I've been doing this thing where I watch the first three episodes of a show in one sitting, and then watch the rest of the episodes at a slow pace of one a month, until I eventually stop watching it. Anyway, this summer I'd really like to actually finish something!

I've been watching the k-drama, The Heirs, so I definitely want to finish that. Other k-dramas that I've heard of that I'm considering watching are Playful Kiss, Boys Over Flowers, and Coffee Prince. I'm also currently re-watching Degrassi: The Next Generation. And by re-watching, I mean, using it as background noise when I do random other activities, like drawing and wasting away time on the internet. So yeah, I'll probably continue watching that over the summer, too.

Harvard Lectures

Okay, so a couple of days ago, I randomly started watching a Harvard lecture: the first lecture in the Justice course in Harvard. It was actually a really interesting lecture, and I really enjoyed watching it. There are 24 lectures available online in total, so I'm looking forward to watching those this summer.

Practice French

Currently, I'm learning French at school. Last summer, I used Rosetta Stone to practice French over the summer, and I want to do the same thing this year. I want to just make sure that I take a few minutes every day to using the program.


Recently, I started drawing a little. I've never been to an art class, so I don't know any techniques, but I do want to learn. So that's why I signed up for art classes. I start in two weeks. I hope that I'll have fun over the summer and learn a lot of new things.


I also signed up for coding classes this summer. I don't really have any previous experience with coding, so all of this is entirely new to me. I start this week, and I'm excited to see how it goes.


I read a lot of books over the school year. I definitely want to read a lot over the summer, too, but I also want to make sure I'm spending time on things other than reading. This summer, I'd like to read a couple of classics (I want to try The Once and Future King, Wuthering Heights, and Romeo and Juliet), some newly released books, and some fan fiction!

What are your plans for this summer? Do you have any summer goals? 


Recent Obsessions

Hey, everyone!

I've been loving a lot of different things recently and I wanted to talk about some of my "obsessions."  I guess that this could sort of be considered as a "favorite's post." It's my first time doing something like this and I'm excited to see how it goes. 

hopeless fountain kingdom- Halsey
Yesterday, Halsey dropped her new album, "hopeless fountain kingdom." It's a little different from her last album, which I actually don't mind at all because I like to see styles of artists change over time. I've been listening to it a lot (I'm listening to it right now) and IT JUST HAS SO MANY AMAZING SONGS. 


I'll be posting an album review soon, so look out for that!

We Don't Talk Anymore- Cover By Jungkook and Jimin (from BTS)

Okay, so BTS (a k-pop group) in general is a huge obsession of mine, but I have way too many things to say about them (most of which no one will probably understand), so I'm just focusing on this cover that was released yesterday. I'm not the biggest fan of the original version of "We Don't Talk Anymore" sung by Charlie Puth, but I really do like this cover. Their voices just sound so beautiful and angelic, and it was so wonderful to hear Jimin covering an English song for the first time. Even if you aren't fan, I really suggest that you listen to the cover..It's really beautiful. I've been listening to it on repeat. 

K-Drama- The Heirs
I've seen so many people on the internet that are obsessed with k-dramas, so pretty recently, I gave one of the more popular ones a try. And even though The Heirs is cliched, predictable, and cringey..Even though it has a horrible soundtrack that is played at the most inopportune times, even though people stare at each other for way longer than necessary, even though some of the characters are beyond annoying..It's somehow still really entertaining and kind of addicting. 

Yeah, it's probably doesn't make sense why I'm still watching it when I have so many problems with it, BUT IT'S JUST SO INTERESTING. 

This is our MC in The Heirs. She's bad-ass half the time, and as for the other half...

.....she cries a lot. LIKE EVERY EPISODE. MULTIPLE TIMES. 

I've gotten into drawing, recently. I've never been to an art classes, so I don't really know anything about technique, but I've having a lot of fun with sketching. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm enjoying doing it. 

Reading Fanfics
I hate when people say that "fanfic writers aren't real writers." And I don't like that people assume that all fan fiction is crappy. I've read quite a bit of fan fiction, and a lot of fanfics are better than a lot of books that are actually published. Writing is writing..whether it's fan fiction or not. 

With fan fiction, I especially love reading long fics. I think that's one of the amazing things about fan fiction: that a fanfic can be as short or as long as the writer would like it to, rather than in novels, where there is usually some kind of word count that it need to fit into. With longer fics, I love to really see character growth and get to read about those moments that wouldn't usually be included in novels. 

The longest fanfic that I've read to date is 286,990 words, which is equivalent to about four to five young adult novels. AND IT WAS AMAZING. 


Are you obsessed with any of the same things I am? What are your recent obsessions? I would love to know! Tell me in the comments!