6.14.2017

a poem: i just don't know

you read me Shakespeare
lulling me to sleep
as you whispered
a tale of forbidden love 
leading to as much happiness
as it did destruction 

you smiled at me 
blushing red 
as you handed me 
little notes
that you wrote on scraps
of the homework from the day before

you laughed 
hair flopping onto your
forehead as 
you poked me playfully on the cheek
trying to make me smile
when you saw that i was upset

you talked
to me on the phone 
all night about nonsensical, unimportant things
both of knowing that it was late
and that we needed go to sleep
but neither of us willing to hang up

you were so sweet
and kind
and funny
and quirky
and brave
and i don't know what made you change

because now you read me Shakespeare
and those tales of 
tragic love that i thought were foolish
that i thought were unrealistic
are now stories
that i find myself living through every day

because now you smile at me
menacingly
as you belittle me
and berate me
for things that i didn't even
used to think were wrong with me 

because now you laugh
when you shove me and slap me and hit me
when i do something to upset you
playing it off as a joke
even though we both know
that it isn't

because now you spend hours
apologizing to me 
a countless number times
over and over again
for the same things
yet never making an effort to change

i don't know if you'll ever
be who you used
to be again
or if i'll still be waiting for you to change
tomorrow
and the tomorrow after that

i don't know what to do
whether to stay or to go
when i see 
a ghost of the person 
you used to be
on your face

and i don't know what happened
i don't know what went wrong
to make something 
so special
turn into
this

i just don't know 
***********

Hey everyone! The poem I wrote above is inspired by some books/tv shows and is meant to depict an abusive relationship. I just want to say that if you are in a abusive relationship, you are not to blame. You deserve to be treated with respect and you deserve to be safe and happy. Others say it much better than I do, so if you want to be better informed about this topic, or if you need help, check out this, this, this, and this.


-Jolly

18 comments:

  1. Your writing always contains so much emotion. It's always so real and it never seems to cover up or hide anything. Lovely poem. <3

    - Jo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that.

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  2. i agree with jo, this poem is so raw & real. you're amazing! <3

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  3. You depicted abusive relationships in its entire essence by writing melodically but never shying away from the subject or sugar coating it into something that is not, I feel happens a lot, especially in many YA books. I admire writers who stop and look at the ugly, because it does exists, it exists and that's the reality but to pretend it isn't there doesn't do anything to stop that reality from happening. Bringing light on the subject to help bring awareness and change does.

    xoxo Abigail Lennah | ups & downs

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    Replies
    1. Definitely, I really dislike when these issues are glamorized. I think that that it's important to show the reality of an issue, while also staying away from being too graphic (I sometimes think that writing graphic scenes of violence, abuse, etc. can romanticize the issue..Not all the time, but sometimes.)

      Thanks for your comment!

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  4. So powerful. This subject is one I feel very strongly about, and I agree with Abby, you definitely haven't sugar-coated it. Well done <3

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  5. YES!

    People need to know that it's okay to speak out. There are resources to help.

    Lovely words, JG!

    Steph
    www.socialspying.com

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I think it's so important that awareness is raised for this issue!
      Thank you!

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  6. I loved your words! They have a very important message!

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  7. This.Is.So.Awesome.And.Beautiful.And.Emotional.And.Wonderful.

    Nabila | Hot Town Cool Girl

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    Replies
    1. That. Means. So. Much. To. Me. Thank. You.

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  8. This is such an Ah-mazing poem and I love it. It is really thought-provoking and I would like to read some more of your poems.
    x Skye // A little inkling // http://alittleinklings.blogspot.co.nz/

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  9. Replies
    1. Aww well yeah, the issue is pretty sad :-(

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Hi! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!